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Learning Self-Compassion – Soft Breath


Thousands of years of spiritual practice and decades of medical research tell us that one of the most important life skills is being able to give yourself the gift of compassion. For many of us, this is the hardest thing to do. There are many reasons why we find it so difficult, yet if we persevere, we can begin to find a way to treat ourselves compassionately, and this makes all the difference in dealing with the suffering that is inevitable in our journey through life.

Let’s look at what compassion is first. To express compassion is to willingly embrace suffering with loving kindness. Compassion is a core human strength, much more powerful than sympathy. When we offer compassion to another, or to our self, we are expressing concern, mercy, acceptance, understanding, support, empathy, courage, tolerance, but most importantly, loving kindness. Compassion is expressing loving kindness to the person who is suffering.

We often find it relatively easy to be compassionate with another in pain, but almost impossible to be compassionate to our self when we are suffering. However, there are steps we can take to begin to learn how to turn towards our self with compassion.

Here is a simple technique that will help you experience your pain differently and that will help you slowly begin to learn how to give yourself the gift of compassion.

Using Soft Breath for Self-Compassion

  • When you are experiencing some difficult emotion such as fear, anger, hopelessness, anxiety, worry, let yourself be aware of the feeling. If you can, name the feeling. For example you might say to yourself “Ah, feeling afraid.”
  • Now let yourself be aware of your body. See if you can find where you feel the emotion in your body. Do you feel it in your chest, or tummy, or throat, or head, or neck? Feel the way your body experiences the feeling – tightness, hardness, tension, jitters, etc.).
  • Now become aware of your breath. Focus your awareness on your breath, feeling it come in and out of your body.
  • Using your awareness, gently direct your breath to the area of your body where you are feeling the emotion. For example, if you are feeling fear in your tummy, gently direct your breath to the sensation in your tummy. As you direct your breath to this area of your body, let your breath be very soft and gentle.
  • Allow your breath to be soothing and comforting, just bringing soft awareness to the area of your body where you feel the emotion. You are not trying to get rid of the feeling, or judge it, or change it. You are simply bringing softness to the feeling with your breath – meeting and holding the feeling with softness – soft awareness and soft breath.
  • Try to stay with this for a few minutes. When your mind wanders, which it will, as soon as you notice it, gently bring your awareness back to your breath, and breathe softly to your body again.

Note: Debbie Homewood is an associate in the Practice of Dalton Associates.


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